Why are my frozen peas in the salad drawer - The Mayhem of Menopause

Some of my more special triple MMM’s, "Menopause Memory Moments", have included putting the frozen peas in the fridge, steaming vegetables without actually adding the water (not sure the metallic hue that washed through the flavour was MasterChef-worthy), losing my words mid-sentence in sessions and dropping the ball when booking clients in.

It’s an inescapable part of being female. You’re going to have to face down menopause at some point. What that ends up looking like is different for everyone.

For me, while I typically become a tad frustrated with my dachshund’s belief that the whole world is his toilet, my anger has gone next level, and I swear that little schadenfreudinistic bast**d is in 7th heaven watching me explode when he uses my dining room floor as his bathroom.

I am aware that there has been a decent increase in the narrative around menopause and what it means for women (and possibly their dachshunds), but we need it to stay on the table and keep that conversation going.

One of the greatest challenges in managing menopause, whilst there are common symptoms and familiar threads, is that treatments are often uniquely impacted by the individual’s hormone levels (which handily fluctuate daily), their diet and how they metabolise, exercise capacity (often compromised by lack of energy or the delightful increase in joint pain, or even arthritis that can accompany this age group), and a person’s underlying fears and anxieties, which are often amplified in the vacuum of menopause.

Previous trauma, depression, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome can feel amplified during menopause, like someone’s turned the volume up on the more difficult parts of our inner world.

The raging in our head can become hard to ignore, leading us into negative spirals alongside everything else we’re trying to manage. At times, it can leave women feeling as though they are losing their minds, questioning their identity, functionality, and sense of self.

There are two strikingly good reasons we need to keep menopause on the table.

One is that we need to continue to push for broader research, to evolve our understanding about what it’s like to live with a body that isn’t doing what you want it to do and feels beyond your control. We need to keep advocating for menopause leave for women in the workplace for those days we can’t remember simple prepositions, let alone complex information.

We need the nuance of what women are living with to be validated and empathised with, not from an attention-seeking standpoint, but from an attentive and compassionate willingness to acknowledge and support.

But we also need to be modelling for the women who come after us, and helping prepare them for this part of what life entails.

Menopause has been hidden away for a very long time. Those from the Silent Generation, the Baby Boomers, and Generation X had no map for the territory. They barely witnessed their mothers going through this. It wasn’t talked about, it wasn’t out in the public forum, and therefore very little emotional and psychological preparation happened for this section of their lives.

Entering into pregnancy, women now more openly discuss the challenges of morning sickness, what the third trimester will feel like, and thus they have time to understand and mentally prepare for what they may have to deal with. We need to provide the same for the menopause section of the show.

Because retaining the understanding that this is temporary is so important. Knowing that it will resolve. Knowing that you are not losing your mind, and that whilst it isn’t always clear what exact treatment might help, there are many different approaches you can trial to support yourself during this time.

Being prepared can help people find their way and stay the course when their mind and body feel like they’re working against them.

If we’re going to have to deal with this, then developing a psychology around how we support ourselves through our own internal narrative, the actions we take, who we reach out to, and how we communicate through a common language, is something to not only be living, but modelling for the women coming after us.

Developing a psychology that can support us through life’s challenges is a central focus of The Adaptable Sustainable Psychology Collection.